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Written by Dave Angel

Aggressive behavior in the child with Asperger’s Syndrome occurs for a reason, just as it would with any other child. Inappropriate behavior, whether mild or severe, occurs in order to; avoid something, get something, because of pain, or to fulfill a sensory need.
 
The first step in reducing or eliminating this behavior is to determine the need that it fulfills.
 
The second step is to teach them a replacement behavior, i.e. communicate what they want or don’t want. It may even involve using some of their obsessive or self-stimulating behaviors as a replacement. This is because it would be far less intrusive to others than aggressive behaviors, but still serve the same purpose.  This process takes time and initially, depending on the behavior, you may not have time.
 
If the behavior is severe, then you need to remove the child from whatever situation they are in at the time. Simply insisting that they stop the behavior and participate in whatever is occurring will not benefit the child or you, unless you remove them from the situation first. 
 
Maintaining their routine will go along way towards reducing the need for inappropriate or aggressive behavior in the first place. 
 
This is just one of the many tricks, tips and techniques that you can use to cope with your Asperger’s child’s behaviors that feature in my new book “The Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide”. Which you can learn more about by visiting: Parenting Aspergers Resource

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We have all been compared and have made comparisons. Often it is done unconsciously, usually with good intentions. None of us would intentionally say or do something that would hurt our children. My goal in writing this is not to cause guilt, but awareness.

Babies and young children are very impressionable. A comment by a parent or another important adult in their lives that feels like a comparison is often taken literally and accepted as the truth. The feeling response to the comment gets stored in the body, where it remains buried and unprocessed, out of conscious awareness. If it is negative and remains unconscious, it becomes a limiting belief. If it is positive, it can be empowering. However, even positive comparisons can have a “down side”, causing a child to feel guilty.

I was the oldest child in my family and the oldest grandchild on my father’s side of the family. My parents were very much in love and delighted when I was born. I was very close to my paternal grandmother, as well. So, in my early years I wasn’t the victim of negative comparison. In fact, quite the opposite.

I had an aunt on my mother’s side of the family who was only two years older than I. My Aunt Roselyn (though I never called her that), was always very good to me. I loved being with her. Occasionally, my great Aunt E would take care of us when we played together. Anytime we would color or draw pictures, Aunt E would look at them and say, “Oh, Benni, your picture is even better than Roselyn’s, look at the beautiful colors you used”. Or “You’re going to be an artist someday”. It wasn’t that she liked me better. I believe she did it because I was two years younger and she was trying to encourage me. But when it happened; and it happened often no matter what activity we were involved in, I saw the hurt look on Roselyn’s face. Instead of making me feel better, I felt guilty, anxious, and sad for Roselyn.

I didn’t experience the negative side of comparison until I was in school. My cousin, Jerry sat next to me in the first grade. One day when we were working on our handwriting, the teacher came and stood between our desks. She looked at Jerry’s work, and then mine. She held the papers up side by side and said, “Benni, look how nicely Jerry forms his letters and how neat his work is. You seem to be having a lot of trouble. Maybe Jerry can help you.” Then she had Jerry move his desk closer to mine so he could work with me. Her intention was good. She was trying to help me. In fact, it wasn’t even overly negative. But, it was a comparison in front of the class, and I felt embarrassed and discouraged. It hurt my self-confidence. The fact that I still remember it today tells me something.

Growing up, I remember being compared positively and negatively, and how they both felt. Obviously, being compared positively felt better, but not great. I was always aware of the impact on the other person or persons and it made me uncomfortable. At times, it caused other’s to resent me.

The comparisons I’ve mentioned are mild, but still had an impact. Children feel the impact of comparison inadvertently throughout their lives. Some children get picked for a club or a team. Others don’t. One friend decides they like another friend better. Couples break up and choose other partners. All of this is a part of life and growing up. The higher your children’s self-esteem is, the less they will be hurt by disappointments and comparisons. It is the children who are consistently compared negatively (especially if the intention is to “put the child in his or her place” or if there is a preference for one child over the other) that are the most damaged by comparison. When we look at this in the context of the law of attraction, how we feel is what we attract, we can see how critical your role as a parent is in helping your children see their value in the face of disappointment and difficulties.

The most important thing you can do when your children are hurt by a comparison, whether directly (like a negative comment) or indirectly (like not being chosen by a club, team, or friend), is to listen to them, support them, and help them see the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow to be the person they were created to be. As a parent, you are the most important person in your children’s lives. Share some of your own disappointments and experiences of feeling “less than”. Let your children know that you love the unique person that they are, exactly as they are. It is the best gift you can give them.


Benni Heacock is the co-author of “The Law of Attraction: The Next Generation” and co-owner of Innovative Parenting LLC, home to the “Missing Secret to Parenting”, a company dedicated to helping parents teach the principles of the law of attraction to their children to provide them with the skills to live their best life! For more information and insights click on:

=>http://www.InnovativeParentingLLC.com

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Written by Henri Joyce

Dr Phil in his effective parenting survey of 17,000 people found that the two top challenges facing parents were making punishment work and improving school performance. In my experience as a class teacher and coach I have noticed that the biggest obstacle to maintaining effective discipline within the home is a lack of constructive, consistency discipline. Effective discipline should be positive, constructive and for correction rather than punitive. Many parents look upon discipline as a last resort when they are in a rage and therefore were confused and inconsistent in their use of Time Out.

Picture this! Your child is screaming like you are killing him, arms flaying wildly feet thrashing around. You feel angry and frustrated and you’d like to respond by shouting back at him or worse still giving him a swift slap on the bottom. Does this resonate with you? Well I’ve experienced this many times too. Tantrums are unfortunately horribly normal. Most young children have tantrums, throw toys, bite or stamp when they are frustrated. Although embarrassing and irritating, when dealt with calmly by using effective discipline techniques most children grow out of it. Time Out is often over used by parents who have not thought up other discipline strategies.

Be Consistent it is vital that your child knows that you always follow through.

Children don’t like being ignored so if your child is behaviour is petty ignore him or her. For difficult behaviour that cannot be ignored, and for children who regularly disobey their parents Time Out can be useful if used correctly. The purpose of time out is to calm your child down and interrupt difficult behaviour. If a child is hysterical Time Out may not be the best solution. Research shows that Time Out is most effective for children three to six years of age. Time Out is inappropriate for children under two.

Time out is only effective when: · The adult remains calm · The child understands in advance about Time Out · It is viewed as a calming measure · It is not over used

To use Time out as an effective parenting technique I suggest the following guidelines. Children must be told clearly which behaviours lead to Time Out. Parent cannot change the rules on a whim or when they are angry. For example if the rules are Time Out is used for biting, hitting and throwing things you cannot decide to send your child to Time out for refusing to eat her carrots at meal time. Remind her that Time Out is a way of helping her to calm down and behave better. Children should be shown where the time out area is in advance.

Choose a safe, quiet boring place. Hallways, bottom step, chair facing a wall or a small rug are all suitable Time Out places. It is always a good idea to have a back up room to send your child if he refuses to stay in the Time Out area. Remember Time Out is not a punishment so don’t use a scary place such as a dark cupboard or cellar.

To be effective Time Out needs to be short about three minutes for a three-year-old, four minutes for a four year old, a minute for each year of a child’s life.

When your child has been quiet for about two minutes invite him to come out. If your child refuses to come out don’t cajole or nag simply ignore him, he will join you when he is ready. Ask your child for an apology. It is important at this point to discuss calmly and pleasantly what has happened don’t lecture. Many parents omit the final phase – the discussion. It is in fact the most important part of the using Time Out effectively because during the discussion the child is taught the correct way to behave. Finally give your child a hug to reassure him that you still love him. This is how to use time out as an effective parenting technique.


Henri Joyce is an experienced teacher and coaches effective parenting and parenting through divorce. She teaches a effective parenting techniques at the University Of Masters. To claim some valuable downloads and newsletters on effective parenting, you can subscribe to her popular newsletter at:

http://www.effectiveparenting.co.uk

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By Beverly Frank

St. Patrick’s day is a great day for kid’s crafts. It is a wonderful day to get out the paint, glue sticks, and crafting materials to create something to celebrate the holiday. The following are three great craft ideas of kids.

Blarney Stone:

A blarney stone comes from old Irish folklore. In southwestern Ireland, there is a very famous stone called the Blarney Stone. If you kiss the stone, you are said to be given the gift of eloquence. It is a big part of Irish tradition.

So, make your own Blarney stones at home as part of your St. Patty’s Day crafts. To do this you need river stones, green paint, some googly eyes, and a black paint pen.

Start by painting the rocks green. You will have to wait for a while for them to dry, so it is best to do this in advance, and have an adult do it. Then, once the rock is painted, let your kids use the googly eyes, paint pen etc. to put a face on their very own Blarney stone.

You can use glitter, fabric, feathers, etc. to add a mouth, hair, and other accessories. Just don’t forget to give it a smooch so that you can be eloquent.

Heart Shamrocks:

Shamrocks are a big deal in Irish culture as they are a symbol of luck. Any craft you make with shamrocks is a fun way to celebrate the holiday. A fun one for kids is to make a heart shamrock.

You need green construction paper, yellow construction paper, black crayons or markers, glue, scissors.

To make a heart shamrock you use the green construction paper and cut out three hearts. Arrange them into a shamrock shape, and cut out a stem. Use glue to attach them to the yellow construction paper. Then using the black crayons or markers, write out your felicitations of luck, such as “luck be with you” and then use it as a gift, card, etc.

Leprechaun Luck:

Leprechauns are mythic in Ireland, and are a great part of the St. Patrick’s Day tradition. There are all sorts of lore surrounding leprechauns. So, one fun craft is to create a necklace using this lore.

To do this print out the following poem:

I keep three wishes handy,
In case I chance to meet
Any day a Leprechaun
Coming down the street.

Then create a shamrock, and write one wish on each leaf of the shamrock. Punch a hole in the top. Glue the poem to the side the wishes are not on, and string yarn through it to create a wish necklace. This can be worn during the day, to provide you with your green so that you do not get pinched, and is a fun way to grab hold of some Irish tradition.

For more kids crafts, visit http://www.makeplaydough.com.

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Written by Denny Hagel

Are you the parent of a child who readily joins activity groups, participates in sports programs, and completes all the tasks required by his teacher, but never seems to be the one who stands out?

He is never the one who gets that extra nod of attention, or receives recognition or awards for being outstanding in whatever situation he is in.

You know he is bright, puts his best effort forward in everything he does and by all accounts does fine, but each time seems to be out shined by those few children that excel at everything they attempt.

Have you found yourself wondering why your child doesn’t seem to have that little extra edge that those that excel have that makes them just a bit more aggressive on the basketball court, or just a bit more “polished” when they give an oral presentation in class?

What do these children possess that your child doesn’t?

The answer is “self-esteem.”

So you say, “Okay, that’s easy…I just need to tell him more often how great I think he is and reassure him of how smart and talented I know he is!”

Raising your child’s self-esteem is not a simple, one answer fix.

Building healthy self-esteem is a process. It is a process that will grow and expand over time. You are right, however, in realizing that it is something that starts with you, his parent.

The process can begin at anytime in your child’s life. Of course, it is easier to start when they are very young, but building self-esteem can begin at any point in their lives.

Regardless of when it is started, the process is the same.

You, the parent, need to start by having an understanding of the principles of the law of attraction.

If you are not familiar with the law of attraction, there are shelves and shelves in every bookstore with numerous books and programs explaining the Universal law of attraction. I recommend choosing one that appeals to you.

Parenting using the law of attraction is based on the universal law that states what you think and believe you will create as your reality.

So, the first task at hand is to help your child understand this law and how it works.

The basic premise you need to convey is that everything begins as a thought. Your child needs to understand the importance of his thoughts.

Example: Negative thought: “I hope I can get the ball and make a basket at the game today.” Positive thought: “I am going to score five baskets today!”

This example demonstrates the difference between wanting to succeed and believing you will succeed.

The point is to encourage your child to think about himself and his capabilities in a positive way. This can not be done by simply sharing your opinion of how wonderful he is. He knows how much you love him! Unfortunately, in his eyes, the fact that you love him will lower the credibility of your words!

That is not to say you should ever stop praising and showering your child with encouragement.

Your child, however, needs more than the opinion of someone he knows loves him to gain the kind of confidence that will allow him to reach his full potential.

The second part of this process is designed to help your child understand that what happens in his life is within HIS power.

The law of attraction teaches us that we all have the power within us to control what thoughts we will accept and focus on and which ones we will reject. The thoughts we choose are the thoughts that will determine what IS.

Helping your child repeat this “positive mindset” exercise will help him develop the skill to think only positive thoughts and as he sees the positive results from these choices, he will know that he can accomplish whatever he wants to.

He will now have “confidence” in his abilities in whatever situation he faces.

The absolute beauty of the law of attraction is that it works all of the time for everyone. There are no conditions to be met for the principles to occur in your life.

Whether you believe it or accept it or even completely understand it, it IS working.

It will work against us by thinking negative thoughts and it will work for us by thinking positive thoughts.

Your role as the parent is to teach your child how to use his power to CHOOSE what his thoughts will be.

The only difference between your child and those that have that edge to succeed is not that they are brighter, smarter, or more talented… the difference is they BELIEVE they can do whatever they choose to do.

The difference is in their thoughts!


About the Author:
Denny Hagel is the co-author of The Law of Attraction: The Next Generation and co-owner of Innovative Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to teaching parents how to raise their children using the principles of the law of attraction. For more information and insights click on:
=>http://www.InnovativeParentingLLC.com

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Are you as tired as I am of those little white heart-shaped candies with messages like “I like You” printed on them? Be a little creative this year and come up with some new Valentine’s Day treats to take to school and work. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Valentine’s Day Cookies
Make a batch of Sugar cookies or pick up some refrigerated dough at the grocery store. Cut them out with a heart-shaped cookie cutter and bake. Frost with a glaze of powdered sugar, water and a little red food coloring, or make it really simple and buy a container of pre-made frosting. Use some frosting pens to write messages or draw on the cookies. Add a few sprinkles and you’re set! Don’t forget to invite your kids to get involved in decorating any cookies they are taking to school. They will have a great time preparing these special treats.

Valentine’s Cup Cakes
Purchase a box of devil’s food cake mix (or your favorite flavor) and prepare according to package directions. Line muffin tins with paper liners and pour enough batter in each to fill to about 1/3 full. Top with 1 tbsp of fruit preserves (strawberry works great) then add more batter until the muffin tins are approximately ¾ filled. Bake according to cake mix directions. When they are cool, dust them with powdered sugar, or frost them and sprinkle with red-hot candy hearts.

Valentine’s Day Cake
Bake any flavor cake in a heart shaped cake form. Let cook and cut in half horizontally. Mix a few drops of red food coloring into a container of whipped topping, and spread some on the bottom layer of the cake. Add the top layer and frost the entire outside of the cake. Top with fresh berries.

Chocolate Lollipops
Get some heart-shaped lollipop molds. Melt milk chocolate, dark chocolate or white chocolate (quality chocolate chips work great). Pour the melted chocolate in the mold and add a lollipop stick. Let cool until hardened. Wrap in cellophane and tie with a little bow.

Use leftover chocolate and plastic spoons to create fancy coffee stirrers. Simply dip the plastic spoons in the melted chocolate. Let cool and repeat until you reach the desired thickness,

Both of these can be decorated by drizzling different types of melted chocolate over the finished product.

Have fun this year creating some wonderful Valentine’s Day treats. I’m sure you will come up with a delicious treat that will be a big hit in the office or the classroom.

Want more family friendly recipes? Visit Dine Without Whine for a free sample weekly menu plan your entire family will love.

Written by Sue Painter

Here is a story that points out how beginning very small daily practices can create big change in only a little over a week. “Larry” came to work with me because he had suddenly lost his job, and felt overwhelmed, depressed, and lost. He wondered if he should start his own solopreneur business, and was looking for ideas and help. As I scanned his energy, though, I could easily discern that he had more going on than losing his work.

At the age of 42 he still lived with his mother, saying that he did so to help take care of her since she is slightly impaired. When I asked him how he saw that fitting for him, he said “I am waiting for her to die so that I will be free.” He had remained in very low-paying work even though he has accomplished very high results in his work. His dream is to travel the world but he has never owned a passport. He is out of shape physically and feels ashamed about this. He admits that he “tries to restart himself but then begins to feel hopeless.” And finally, he admits to an inner voice that is extremely self-sabotaging.

So, what to do? I see this person as someone who is bright, capable, funny, talented, and aching to find his path in life. He has very little money to spend on self-development right now, and no money to spend in creating a new business. As we talked, my strongest energetic sense was that he needs to address far more in his life than the loss of his job. He needs help to dream, and to take steps toward his dreams, too!

Here is our plan:
1) 15 minutes each morning in mediation or prayer, asking for insight and guidance about his perfect work.
2) Wait in the quiet of this time for the voice of the self-sabatoger to show up.
3) Write down every single thing the self-sabatoging voice says and thank it for every point it makes.
4) Walk 15 minutes each day.
5) Get pictures made and apply for a passport.
6) Check a book out of the library about the country he most would like to visit.

We plan to meet in a month, but a check after only 10 days revealed the following:

“My biggest change has been the self-sabotaging talk. I spend about 5 minutes in the morning writing down my limiting thoughts, then, when they pop up during the day, I gently say “nope, you had your chance to speak out this morning. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.” It has made a world of difference. The first day I listened to my self-sabotaging thoughts, they were pretty tame. The second day, the thoughts were mean and harsh. Thursday and Friday, it was almost difficult getting those thoughts to come through. Today, they were a bunch of “what ifs” and actually had some good points. I write them down and say thank you for sharing. It is awesome.” “I love the meditation time.” “I’m parking my car farther away from the grocery store and walking 10,000 steps in a day.” “I checked out a book on Africa and got passport pictures made. I can’t believe how excited I am just to get a passport!”

These actions are small daily practices that take about half an hour a day. But look at the big changes, in only 10 days! It is so important to set our feet on the path of truth and freedom, which for each life is different. I can hardly wait to see what has happened when the entire month has gone by!

Small actions in one’s life can lead to big changes and big results. Sign up to show up, and see what you get!


Sue Painter spends her time working with people who want to create a life and work that is rich in spirit and profit. You can check out her resources at http://www.suepainter.com and her marketing tips at http://www.confidentmarketer.com . Sue’s marketing expertise and strong insight leads her clients to call her a marketing therapist. She can help you build your business from the inside out.

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